Yep, it sure looks like ADD

How do you know when it is a "brain issue" and when it is an 8-yr old boy with a ton of energy, an expansive imagination, and engaged in a constant battle with his twin sister for attention from both of his parents?

Yes, he does have trouble sitting still, but that seems to be when he is not really interested in what is happening at the table. And yes, he doesn't particularly like "transitions," especially when that means he needs to transition away from something he wants to be doing (playing Legos, a video game, watching TV) to something he doesn't want to do (eat dinner, get dressed, brush teeth, go to bed). Yes, he does need to be reminded to turn his focus away again, from something he wants to do or say, to something like homework or cleaning up the gazillion small pieces of "stuff" that are on the floor, the couch, the steps, the kitchen table.

He needs to develop some impulse control as I haven't seen evidence of it. He needs to keep his hands to himself as I have seen too much evidence of bothersome and occasionally mean contact with his sister. He needs to learn how to channel his frustration at being told to do something he doesn't want to do into something other than flopping himself around the floor like a fish on a boat deck.

But it isn't all him. Mr. CG and I need to instill much more structure and change the way we communicate with him. I tried a bit of that last night and it was a light and happy getting-ready-for-bed time instead of the usual battle.

School is another issue. I know that his teacher is trying to provide structure, encourage focus, and reward good behavior, but lately his daily reports have been much more red (unacceptable behavior) and yellow (not great behavior) than green (good behavior). Until last night, home was screaming for improvement. And that is exactly what it was, lots of screaming and yelling - us thinking (as if thinking were a part of it) that the volume of voice would communicate the import of the statement. I was usually not looking forward to coming home because it typically was a very unpleasant place. So I ordered some books.

And I don't know what it is with me, but I hadn't gotten around to cracking their spines. It turns out that you actually need to read the books and try out some techniques in order to have a shot at things changing. Amazing, no? What an insight.

So I did actually start reading the books. Last night after dinner I told the kids that there has been entirely too much unhappiness and yelling and that I think it might be because we don't all know the rules. So we - which more often than not is me and the 2 kids - Mr. CG not participating which is the subject for another time - made a list of House Rules. I let the kids give me "ideas" and it worked well. We came up with things like "No Running in the House" and "No interrupting while someone else is talking." So now I need to make some "posters" and get them up in a couple of places in the house so that they are visible. The kids made their own rules that they will be posting in their rooms - like "Never put a chocolate covered raisin up someone's nose" and "No taking my underware under any circumstances." Peals of laughter.

Now I need to work through how to encourage via positive re-inforcement the "earning" of rewards like time watching TV, on the computer, plaing with Nintendo DS, and for my son, Legos. I then have to devise a similar way to extinguish undesirable behaviors via consequences such as loosing time using the above items. Tricky balance and it has to be simple or we won't be consistent in its use.